Does Having A Giant Picture of My Face on Here Make Me A Megalomaniac?

So while admitting defeat is not my strong suit, *sigh*, I'm leaving New York. It's too much right now.

Okay I'm only leaving for two weeks but still, for me, that's a while.

It's not that I'm not working. Work comes in waves, is unpredictable, and most definitely has a lot of downtime in between. And it's not constant rejection because let's be honest, at this point, when I've been acting competitively for 15 years, I'm used to being judged on the spot and rejected on the spot. It's the close calls that are killing me right now. I just can't seal the deal. I had a terrible audition yesterday and the people had nothing to do with it, they were so pleasant and encouraging and nice...I just wasn't doing it right. And I could feel myself sucking and couldn't stop. No do-overs. The least I could do was smile and hope they saw something of my craft in the proverbial dump I took and call me back for another chance. And, of course, today came and went with nary a call.

I AM GETTING SO CLOSE! What's wrong with me?

I would be a lot less sad if I hadn't received a hefty commercial check in the mail today. Seriously how would I have survived this last year without that job? God bless you House Production & Casting! One day of work literally paid my rent for a year. Well, two auditions, a whole lotta luck, and a 12 hour shooting day starting at 2:30am but who's complaining? Seriously House, I love you. Call me sometimes? I owe you dinner. Yes, the whole office.

Speaking of phone calls, where is my freelance agent lady friend? Has she gone away? Or have I done something egregious?

Here's a thought: stop waiting for something to happen to you and do it your freaking self, you drama queen. I said to myself.

I would be at the Gay Pride March tomorrow in some horrendousfierceinappropriate getup Sunday but alas, I have a JOB in a MOVIE! A real live movie! An unpaid, extra job in a movie but still, this is gonna be my first time on a big movie set and I'm gonna take it all in/get bored and read Pride & Prejudice & Zombies (thanks Jason!). More details after the shoot, in case, you know, they see me when I show up and determine I am in no shape to be in a real movie.

And how about that storm today? Hoo baby! And there's a giant hole in the ceiling where water poured out! That's hilarious and fun to deal with! Especially when water is pouring out of it at a comically fast rate! I'm being sarcastic! It was Terrible! I couldn't cook cause I used all my pots and pans for the leaks :(

Not that I would cook anyway, ha.