Stress/Going Crazy

As my profession requires, I have many vocations going on at once. On any given day, I may be at my temp job, which I've grown strangely attatched to. Or maybe I'm babysitting, shuttling nearly always delightful Manhattan children around and baking cardboard frozen pizzas. Or maybe I'm doing an odd job, either from the temp agency or through some lovely contacts I've made recently who are actually paying me to goof around in the name of Cirque du Soleil. Or maybe, just maybe, you can find me in midtown acting my giant butt off for whomever cares to listen. Sometimes I'm even gifted with a rehearsal process and a performance! Whoda thunk? Kinda the whole point of me being here.

Now don't take this in any way as a complaint. Being busy with ANYTHING is very beneficial to my well-being, as I go a little insane when I have nothing to do. In fact, I look back on weeks such as the one I've just had with a sense of pride and accomplishment, with just a tinge of fatigue. Since last Friday, I worked 4 full days temping, worked on 2 shoots as an extra (1 paid), attended 3 auditions (2 film, 1 theatre), mailed a very very big agent, participated in a reading as Doll Tearsheet in Henry IV Part II (fingers crossed I get cast as that role is dy-no-mite!), AND found some time in there to eat, meet my friends for some much-needed drinkies, make weekend plans, schedule my coming weeks, and cuddle with my boyfriend and my pup on the couch.

It is hard to keep it all straight sometimes. I've double booked myself and had the special mortification of canceling an audition (this happened once and I've been actively trying not to do it ever ever again). But like I said, this is what's required of someone in my position. I learned quickly to not expect anyone to help you in this business--help and career partnerships are earned and cultivated, they don't materialize because they're so desperately needed. If there is a day, even a Saturday or Sunday, where I'm not doing anything about my career and try to relax, I kind of get a twisty worried feeling inside that maybe I don't deserve a day off yet. So that's why tomorrow, a day set aside for a trip upstate to tour my friend's hometown and go to a freaking carnival of all things, I still slipped in an audition in the morning. Sure, I could say, "sorry I'm planning a trip that day and can't make it", but the what ifs would eat me alive, and I wouldn't enjoy the time off anyway. Will this ever change? Will I ever be able to watch a bunch of TV in mah pj's with a big ol tub of ice cream without a care in the world?

I hope so.

I also hope I'll be in 1000 movies and plays that keep me on my feet 24/7 till I die at a comfortably old age.

This post was written, I think, to clear my head before I go home, walk Baxter, grill some burgers, and then watch "The Others" with all the lights off and the rain pounding a determined rhythm on my walls and windows. Sleeping in tomorrow will be a treat. Till next time, consider me de-stressed!